(00:00:00):
Hello, friends. It is approximately 1:08 on a Sunday afternoon here in Los Angeles. The birds are chirping. I'm outside. I'm not sure if you can hear that, but it's nice out here getting some vitamin D.
(00:00:17):
I'm actually right across from the Grammys, which are tonight. And I've got a couple of friends who are nominated, actually. Very proud of them and happy for them. But this is actually the first year that I have nothing to do with the fanfare of the Grammys. I'm not attending. I'm not going to any Grammy parties.
(00:00:43):
I, yeah, I'm just enjoying the stillness of today. I hope that, especially with everything going on, you are also able to find a little bit of stillness and maybe some peace today.
(00:01:00):
That said welcome to one five one five is a weekly podcast I do every Sunday just 15 minutes of chat, catching up, exchanging ideas and if you're here thanks for being here. Thanks for being a part of the community. I'm gonna stay on the subject of the
(00:01:22):
Grammys for just a second here because I've been thinking this week about how funny it is all of the things that you want growing up and the places that you see yourself and the person you think you're going to become when you're older.
(00:01:45):
And I grew up in the music industry. Parents were both musicians. Not wealthy musicians, mind you. And when they decided to have kids, they went behind the scenes.
(00:02:01):
Mom became a writer. Dad was an audio engineer. And I apologise if you know this already and I'm just beating a dead horse, but I moved to LA for school because I was pretty young.
(00:02:20):
I was 12 and there were only a couple of colleges that would allow me and my sister to go at that age. So we moved to LA for school and then I ended up writing, I ended up starting to play guitar and and writing songs just because it was a few months before the school semester started um and one thing kind of led to another and somehow we
(00:02:48):
ended up with like a record deal and yeah so it was just - I quite literally grew up in the industry. I was always in and out of deals and the whole time I was in school. So it was classes, studying for finals.
(00:03:04):
And then when not taking tests and when not in school, we were flying to New York to meet with labels. And then when we got signed, it was, okay, well, we're in sessions, we're in the studio, we're going to these Hollywood parties, et cetera, et cetera.
(00:03:20):
So that was how I grew up. It was either work as a student or work as a musician.
(00:03:32):
I loved music at first, and then it became a job. And it wasn't until, I think when I was 15, me and my sister got invited to this party in the hills, in the Laurel Canyon Hills.
(00:03:46):
And I think the house belonged to this guy that did the Animaniacs, one of the creators or the animators. I don't know which.
(00:03:55):
Huge house, huge party, a bunch of...important and important adjacent people there. And they were having an open mic night, which is why we attended because our manager's plan was, okay, you'll sing in front of these um important and important adjacent people and will network etc etc so i went to
(00:04:20):
this mansion party in the hills and everyone you know there were people who were getting up on stage and singing and I um remember this one person in particular her name is Sally Dworsky and um she I think was the voice of Nala in Lion King
(00:04:41):
And just an excellent indie folk musician. And I just remember being so...struck and enthralled from the moment that she went on stage because she was just so in love with music for the sake of music.
(00:05:06):
And so full of that love and joy. And I, it just like something clicked in me and I went, oh, Okay, actually, this is this is what I want. Like that became very deeply planted in me that the desire for joy and stillness and just like enjoying the moment,
(00:05:35):
I suppose. But on the surface, I was still very much stuck in what I was trained in. Like, okay, I've got to break these records. If I'm 12 and this person was 13 when they did this, I have to accomplish it this year so I can break the record.
(00:05:49):
Okay, no, I turned 13. Okay, well, this person accomplished that at 15. So I have to accomplish this before I turned 14 so I can break that record. And I need this Grammy and I need that. And we need to work with this person who did that number one record, yada, yada.
(00:06:05):
And for a long time, that was just how I, that was the way that I knew how to live. That's how I did life. But the whole time, I also had this desire for stillness and joy and art for art's sake rather than art as currency.
(00:06:32):
I fear I'm rambling, but what I mean to say is it's funny how, regardless of our plans and how much we fail at our plans, our plans that we think will get us where we want to be and will make us who we want to be,
(00:07:01):
It's funny how we can end up exactly where we wanted with everything we need and everything we ever wanted. And it doesn't look like what we thought, but it's everything.
(00:07:18):
I suppose from that moment on, from 15 on, I wanted the accolades, but I also would say I just want to be an old man in the woods with my studio house and a family. And that was basically the way that I saw my life. That comfort and always being exposed to interesting people with interesting opinions.
(00:07:56):
I felt like the most interesting kind of life you could live was the life of a student. And I thought that I had to accomplish all these things to get there. I thought that I had to release an album and sell however many units. I thought I had to get however many streams and you know, get this magazine to write about my project and, you know, do this and that to get what I wanted.
(00:08:28):
So then I kind of forgot what it was that I wanted. And I started just pursuing the things that I thought would get me there. And that was not a fulfilling life at all.
(00:08:44):
It really wasn't until I moved to the UK and nothing was in my control that I had no choice but to pause and live in the moment.
(00:09:00):
Because I'm guessing a lot of you know this already, but moved to the UK this company offered me money they offered me funding for my record a place to live and a studio to work out of so I depended on them for everything. I depended on them for like money to get food to eat I depended on them for you know place to lay my head and if they were you know acting up, which, spoiler alert, they ran out of money and did not tell anyone.
(00:09:35):
And it got to the point that I received an eviction notice for the flat that they said that they would pay for me to stay in.
(00:09:43):
So needless to say, there was a lot of dead space during that time where I was just like, I want to work, but I couldn't because it was not under my control.
(00:09:55):
So I just started living without even meaning to. And at some point I looked up and realized that I had incredible friends and incredible memories and a sense of community. And those are friends that I will have for the rest of my life. In the period of a year, I made four lifelong friends that I love dearly.
(00:10:24):
And of course, I did end up having to come back to LA because, the company ran out of money and the visa thing got complicated. But I took that lesson with me. I took that new ability to live in the moment with me like that that finally got from my head to my heart because you know sometimes you can think something you can know
(00:10:49):
something mentally logically but it takes some time for that information to to make that journey down into your heart for you to feel it for you to live it
(00:11:00):
And now I'm back in Los Angeles and it's the end of Grammy week and I'm not participating in the fanfare and I'm enjoying it.
(00:11:15):
I'm happy. I have the best life I've ever had. I have everything I ever wanted and I have everything I need.
(00:11:26):
Mind you, it does not look anything like I thought it would when I was 13, but I have the space that I always dreamed of with high ceilings and wood floors. My studio set up exactly how I would like it to. And I have the kind of space that I enjoy inviting people into. And it's filled with the warmth of so many people who've spent time at my studio and my home.
(00:12:00):
I have a day job, which I didn't predict before, but I work seven days on and then I take an entire week off. And in that week, I'll spend every day with friends or learning things, pursuing things. I've been learning Armenian recently, which is really fun.
(00:12:20):
It just feels like I'm expanding my empathy and it's just using different parts of my brain to use this language that sometimes doesn't even translate to English that well. because they have words and logic that we don't use in English.
(00:12:40):
I'm learning how to program lights for my headlining show that's coming up on the 6th of March.
(00:12:47):
I'm surrounded by incredible, creative, kind people. Actually, last week, I was going on day seven and I was so exhausted because there are 10 to 12 hour days that I do. I was so exhausted that I was falling asleep driving on the way back home. And then when I got home, my friend was there because I had agreed to help them with a song they were working on.
(00:13:13):
And I was just so tired walking in the door. I was like, oh, I don't know if I could do this. In my head, I was thinking that. But then my friend started playing the guitar. And I was like, oh, my word, this is the most beautiful thing I have ever heard. And I just, like my energy levels just shot right back up. And I felt so blessed to be in the room.
(00:13:37):
I'm reading this book called The Hour of the Star. And the way I read is not for the plot, but I read as a gatherer of sentences and words and poetry. The first page of this book starts off like this.
(00:13:53):
“All the world began with a yes. One molecule said yes to another molecule and life was born. But before prehistory, there was the prehistory of prehistory. And there was the never and there was the yes. It was ever so. I don't know why, but I do know that the universe never began.”
(00:14:12):
Is that not the most incredible series of sentences strung together? It's just so beautiful. The author is Clarice Lispector.
(00:14:24):
But I'm rambling. All I mean to say is I'm living the life that I wanted. And I think that everyone can.
(00:14:36):
I want to invite you to zoom in. ask yourself, what is it that you really want? Not, you know, what do you think you want that will make you feel the way that you want to feel? What is that end? What is the ending that you're looking for?
(00:15:00):
Not, oh, when I get the job, I'll feel this way. I will be able to have these things. I will think of myself this way. I will be this person.
(00:15:10):
What if you remove the middleman and you just focus on what it is that you want and the person that you want to be? And you just live that life and you just are that person.
(00:15:23):
That's all I've got for this week. And I'm definitely at the 15 minute mark. So I'm going to close this out now.
(00:15:30):
Stay vigilant. Stay whimsical.
(00:15:33):
This is GREYSKIIN signing off.
